The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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