FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize