your parents love me but you hate me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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