I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
