"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How naked do you want me to be?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
