Someone shit on the floor
he thought i was a dude.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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