Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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