wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
