D3 body, D1 cock
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
