the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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