he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
