i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
