The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
