Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
