Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
