dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
