I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
