Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
