Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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