I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
