just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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