Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
