she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you had me at cake vodka
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
