I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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