Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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