I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
