we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
