So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
