he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
