She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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