I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
