Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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