look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this just has baby written all over it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
