but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
