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• (301): View more from Maryland

  She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"

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• (845): View more from New York

  I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously

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• (207): View more from Maine

  My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.

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• (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.

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• (626): View more from California

  Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?

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• (409): View more from Texas

  If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.

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