Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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