i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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