the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize