Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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