he puts the penis in happiness.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
