remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
