I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i dont even know how to be here
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
