I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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