News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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