im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
