I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
