I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We smell like vodka and hangover
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