you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
