Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
