I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
