but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
