Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
