I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
