OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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