I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
