I can tuck mytits in my pants
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
