I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
