Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
