You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
