I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
