and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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