Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
