I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
