i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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