I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
