I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
