the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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