probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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